i'd never want to see you unhappy.

So, when is it that you stop caring about yourself to the point where you are constantly unhappy for someone else's happiness? Once again, Im hurt and wishing that people could care. I try and try to make decisions to rid myself of bad things and bad people for that matter and no matter what, i cant. there is one person in my life that constantly comes back and makes me question myself and all my beliefs. Im so deathly afraid that the one time I actually do get over it and move on, thats when he will want me. I guess this entry has been a long time coming, but I cant help but wonder why some people find love so easily and for others, its a constant battle. We are all just walking on this earth and looking for love, it seems. It's not easy. The ones, most of the time, that you fall for, are all wrong. They don't see why you could ever possibly want a relationship and are so damn hypocritical. I cant remember what a good night's sleep is because for about over a year now, I havent been able to sleep without crying over someone who I love. It's silly. It really is because he will never want me like that and more than anything I have ever had happen to me, it hurts. My thoughts are my worst enemy. I was asked to be a part of someone else's life and heart and I had to turn it down because 1. right now, i dont want to see myself with anyone else because its not fair and im still fighting for something that...duh...will never happen to me. I dont understand why it has to be like this.